15. November 2017 · Comments Off on The Moon and Stars (again) · Categories: Gimps, Pubs

Im at the bar of the Moon and Stars in Penge. Im holding a 10 pound note.
There is a bloke who looks like he has a pineapple on his head painted green.
I ask him twice “can I get served please?” He just ignores me and serves people at
the other end of the bar.
After 10 minutes a bloke in a suit and tie appears and tells me hes the manager.
i tell him I have been waiting 10 minutes to be served. A bloke at the other end of the bar
Shouts “I have been waiting 15 Minutes”.



09. October 2017 · Comments Off on STANSTEAD AIRPORT · Categories: Transport

Going to Germany. £60 quid to park car for weekend.
Go to check in ” Take your trouser belt off” why? ” my trousers will fall down” Tossers.

You cannot take that 250ml bottle of mouthwash you bought in Sainsburys for £1.50 but,
you can buy one in Boots in the departure lounge for £3.50 for 20ml. Yeah right!

You cannot take that 200ml of cream  for your rash we will have to bin it! Wankers!
£4.50 for a milkshake! Wankfest!

Worst airport I have ever been in.
Get on the plane, ask for a drink of water, you have to buy the bottle for £3.50.




22. August 2017 · Comments Off on Wickes Penge · Categories: Gimps, Shops

Have you got any Dulux Weather shield in green?
No, we only have one can of weather shield in white.
Can you mix me some in Green? No the computer is broken.
Do you have any letterboxes?
Do you have any cement?
So, the basics for building like cement and you dont have any?



11. July 2017 · Comments Off on PC World Sydenham Again · Categories: Gimps, Shops

Go into PC world down by the Sainsburys savacentre

Ill have that red Lenovo laptop please. ” We only have one and its another 35 Quid for configuration”
” I dont need configuration, I can do it myself”
We dont have any then.

“Ill have that silver acer one please”
“We dont have any”

8 laptops later “We dont Have any of them”
“take them off display then, why are you showing stuff you have not got?”

The place is a fucking wankfest!

Im in the moon having a swift half after waiting 10 minutes to get served.
A bloke walks in who looks like a tramp.
He does not buy a drink. He is stuffing 20 pound notes into the fruit machine.
The trouble is, the fruit machine is next to me and this bloke fucking stinks,
he could not have had a wash in 10 years, I nearly throw up.
Why are spoons letting in dirty, unwashed, stinking fucking wankers in the pub?


Another spoons wankfest!


I went in the moon in Penge.
The bar is empty of customers. There is 5 people behind the bar.
I stand there for 10 minutes waving a fiver.
I shout at a bloke “can I get served please”?, He wanders off and serves a woman.
I check to see if I have drunk a fucking invisibility potion.

Another Fucking wankfest!

Went in the Moon and Starts Penge. 1t was 17:23. Served by a woman with glasses.
“Guinness Please”
I pay for it.
She pours half of it and waits for it to settle.
10 Minutes later I say “Can I have my drink now”

The woman totally ignores me and serves someone else.
I shout to a bloke “Can you finish that Guinness?”  He fucks off to the glass wash area.
5 Minutes later another woman asks me if I am being served.
I tell her I have been stood for 15 mins waiting for the Guinness.
She asks me if I have paid for it.

I know these people are on shit money, but, for fucks sake try to do your job!

Ita fucking wanfest!



I get a 358 bus from Crystal Palace to Penge. The bus is empty
A fat Ginger haired tosser gets on and sits next to us. He pulls out 2 cans of cider
and starts drinking one. My wife starts talking to the wanker. He asks if I am a Millwall supporter,
I say fuck all as I would not piss in the blokes ear if his brain was on fire.




Im stood outside Santander in Penge waiting for it to open.It is a cold morning. This gimp walks past wearing a hat that looks like a tiger with the tail over his ears, the same type of hat my daughter had when she was 5. The bloke looks like a clown.

As he passes he says “What you looking at?” I just growled.

Im inside Santander waiting to be served. The bloke behind me is some sort of plastic gangster. he is acting like he is offering someone out for a fight, moving about and pretending he is wearing knuckle dusters.Fucking weird.

I get to the bus stop at the Robin Hood. This bloke with long blonde hair, tight shorts and very camp, comes up to me and says “50p”
I said “pardon” and he says “50p” I say “what about 50p?” and he says “have you got one?” “Yes thanks I said” then went off to Tesco’s.
Another 5 star turd wandering the streets.

Im stood at the 75 bus stop in Penge.
There is a bloke there with a bag of what appears to be chips.
His fingers are dripping in Grease.
He gets on the bus, the driver says fuck all and stinks the bus out.

What is the matter with these ignorant wankers with no consideration to others?
Why did not the driver tell him he cannot eat food on the bus despite signs saying this?